Over the weekend I found out about a school counseling position that opened up. This is unheard of right now. When I left my job to stay home I realized that it was going to be a God thing to return to work someday because there are so few openings in education. I went through a couple hours of convincing myself to apply. The extra income would take a huge weight off Mike. We need the money. On some level I really miss having a career. What are the odds that there is an opening? It must mean something that I just happen to look and the job had just been posted- on a Saturday! And at the beginning of the school year!
And then my stomach started turning. And I wanted to throw up. If I somehow was selected for the position...who would watch my babies? I would be commuting two hours a day. I would literally be gone from 6-6. The whole day. Away from them. My heart started racing and I put my head down.
Please, no. You called my bluff, I don't want this Lord. I prayed my heart would soften to
what's right for our family. Thinking about the stress of finances. Thinking about how that stress puts a strain on our marriage. Thinking about medical insurance. Thinking about Mike working weekends. Trying to be brave. And then my phone rang. I told Mike about the job opening. And he reminded me of our plan. That I will go back to work, but right now having me with the kids is
what's best for our family.
Thank you Lord, my heart whispered. Thank you Mike.
So for every post I've written about how staying at home with twins (or one, or five) is hard...I'll take the hard. I don't regret voicing my
complaints struggles because they're real, and I need to say it to work through it. Maybe other Moms don't find some days long/hard/lonely, but sometimes I do. But that feeling can't even compare to the longing I would feel if I had to leave my kids every morning. To the full time working Moms, I applaud you. To the full time stay at home Moms, cheers. Every family has something that works for them. Today I'm thankful for my husband who chooses to work extra so that I don't have to work full time.
If somewhere down the road I find something part time, we may re evaluate our situation. But for now, I am thankful for these few precious years I am spending with Maxwell and Ella. I'm thankful I get to be there for each little thing, and have the time to blog about it.
p.s. I know Ella needs a haircut. It's just kind of hard for me to think about cutting it, as she was practically bald until about 14 months :)
6 comments:
I know what a stressor money can be!! Even just me on my own it's my number 1 worry, that I have a really hard time letting go of. As I was reading I couldn't help but think that when the time is right you will have a peace about it. That God will already have all the details taken care of. Everything will fall into place and you will know that this is the when and the where and the how. A 6-6 day would be so unbelievably tough on you all!! How wonderful that you have such a great partner to walk through this journey with!!
You made the right decision..always listen to your gut! (And your wonderful husband)...Money is not worth the time with your babies.
Leaving my kids from 9:00-4:00 is hard enough. It would kill me to do 6 to 6.
And yes - staying home is so difficult too. I do it by myself 1 day a week and act like a martyr. :-) It's the hardest job in the world (but also the most important and wonderful).
I don't think she needs a haircut. Her hair is so cute!! Let it grow if you want to. :-)
Great post! I totally understand everything you wrote. We made the same plan for our family, and even tho sometimes its rough (heck, a lot of times its rough), I am so grateful to be able to stay with my babies, and for everything my husband does to provide that opportunity. And I love your pictures, they are getting so big!
Sounds like you married a REAL man! They are few and far between these days. So happy for you :)
All I can say is this-wise and excellent choice, jobs do come and go but you can never ever get these precious days with your babies back. God will honor you for your decision, just watch and see!!
xo
love julia
Meghan. I know I've said it before but you are wise way beyond your years. You are a patient and loving Mom and a woman who appreciates the man she's married to. God does take care of us and give us what we need. The time will come for you to go back to work and you'll know it when it comes. Right now you are doing exactly what you are suppose to be doing.
I think it's time for you to start writing a book.
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