Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Everyone tells us you look like your Dad. You are a lucky boy because you have one handsome father. This month you have discovered your hands and you love to swing your fists. I put you in your bouncy seat and you squeal as you bat at the toys hanging in front of you. At first you seemed to favor your left hand, but now we see you using both. You are such a cuddle bug and you want to be held all the time. When I scoop you up your body melts into mine and you love to be cuddled close while you drool on my shoulder. You coo at us and you laugh when your Dad talks to you. You love to sit on his lap and read Cycle News before he goes to work in the morning. For a baby who started out so small...you have turned into a chunk! I love to kiss your chubby face and your roley poley feet. You have started sleeping better at night but you still end up in bed with us. Again, you just want to be cuddled. And I want to cuddle you back. We love you sweet boy.
You radiate joy. Your reflux and tummy must be feeling better because you smile all day long. And when I say you smile, it's like your whole person is smiling. You're a petite little girl but are strong! You want to see everything around you. You are always squirming around and turning your head so that you don't miss a thing. You've also discovered your hands and you try so hard to eat your whole fist. I love to watch you study the pictures in books. We prop them up beside you and I when come back into the room and you are still captivated by what you see. I hope you love books forever. You have turned into such a good sleeper! For almost two weeks now you only wake up once at night. I feed you, you smile, and then you go back to sleep until around 5 or 6 (out of our bed)! You and your Dad are the first ones up each morning. He hears you wiggling around and peaks over your crib. You greet him with a smile so big you even arch your eyebrows. What a happy girl! We love you Ella Vita.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I was fortunate to carry Max and Ella to 36 weeks. I certainly looked big, but didn't actually gain all that much weight in pounds. I was at my heaviest weight before I got pregnant. I like to blame it on the fertility hormones I was shooting up, but I'm thinking excessive pizza and hefeweizen didn't help things. Regardless, I was shocked when I stepped on the scale at the babies two week check up and- what?! I had lost all the weight. Mind you, initially I was so overwhelmed with two babies that I didn't do a whole lot of eating or sleeping. But to lose the weight that quickly? Sweet. Never in my life have I been able to loose weight without serious persistence. Even then, I end up on a fad diet and gain it all back. Now, I am actually 20 pounds thinner than before I got pregnant. I know, right? I should be stoked. No wonder women breast feed their kids until they're five. (Actually, please have an intervention if I'm still nursing and the babies are talking to me).
My point here is that I'm feeling well, looking better, and I'm still not satisfied. So I tell myself, 'you're so vain.' Even though my body looks better in clothes, underneath is another story. Part of me is proud of my jiggly skin. I've earned these stretch marks. Look what my body did! It was a vestal for my miracle babies. This body grew and delivered life! Two lives! It's not about me anymore, this is part of my sacrifice in motherhood.
Then there's the other me. Proud of my babies and what I've done, but also mourning the loss of my body. To my husband's credit, he thinks I'm beautiful it doesn't bother him. But this disappointment it about me. I expected a few stretch marks and saggy boobies, but my tummy is destroyed. I knew it was bad when I asked my OBGYN (who I LOVE by the way) if it would ever go back. The sympathetic look he gave said it all. I am a mother now, but I'm also a woman. I want to feel attractive and not cringe every time my hand runs over my stomach.
So I find myself with my own variation of Kate's before picture, which I'm not nearly brave enough to post. It started with curiosity that medicine could actually pull off this transformation. Seriously, check out the after picture. Amazing! Then my mind went from observing to joking contemplation. You know, 'oh yeah, I'll just get a tummy tuck.' Ha ha. Ha. Hmmm. Really? Could I? Plastic surgery? Spend my family's money on something so selfish? No. At least, not now.
I guess I'm just feeling like a girl, wanting to feel pretty. In the meantime, I'll just pass by the trashy mags and think to myself, damn Kate looks good.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
p.s. please don't spend today getting a tattoo while smoking cigarettes, scratching lottery tickets and looking at dirty magazines. okay?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
As I'm writing this I can't help but think back to one of my first memories of you. I had just started dating your Dad. It was summertime and you were going into the eighth grade. We were talking and you quickly warmed up to me. "You don't have to worry," you told me. I wasn't quite sure what you were talking about. "I used my Dad's last girlfriend's toothbrush to brush my dog's teeth with, but I won't do that to you. I like you." I could have been scared but I wasn't. The thing was, you really meant it. You did like me. And I liked you.You were 13 and I was 23. TWENTY-THREE. "Only 10 years between us," you still like to tell me. Always quick to point out with a smirk that there's 13 years difference between your Dad and I. Yet somehow you never really seemed to mind.
I've had the honor of watching you grow up through your adolescence. And Meg, it really has been an honor. I have never taken for granted the memories that you've allowed me to be a part of: your first Simple Plan concert, toilet papering at 2:00 a.m., piercing your nose, getting ready for prom...these are all such fun memories that you didn't have to invite me to be a part of. But you did. Thank you! I never imagined being a step mom to teenagers- I mean, who are we kidding? Wasn't I just a teenager? But what an awesome gift it is. You and Michael are incredible and the words I love you don't seem strong enough.
I am proud of all that you've done through your peer class at school. You really have embraced the role of being a leader and I love hearing about all that you do for our community. Those are priceless character traits that I pray you continue to grow. Looking outside of yourself to serve others will always end up blessing you too.
I am so glad Maxwell and Ella have you as their big sister. I know our lives have changed a lot in the past few months, but you have welcomed it with a big smile. Your love for the babies is such a blessing to them, and to your father and I. We have a pretty great family, don't ya think?
Today you graduate from High School and it's time to celebrate! Time to celebrate all the great choices you've made, and the future that is yours for the taking. I can't wait to see the things that are yet to come...because I know they will be outstanding.
Love, love, love you. Soak it all up and enjoy this special day.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
*Breastfeed instinctually. Babies will let you know when they need to be fed. They'll also let you know when they just need to be comforted. Women around the world have instinctually breastfed their babies for generations without a schedule. Put the clock away. Use your intuition. If baby needs to be comforted, snuggle up and show him you love him. Ahhh. This makes so much sense. Why wouldn't I want to show my babies love and security? They stop crying every time I give them the breast. I'm happy. They're happy.