Pregnant: 9 Weeks

Worst of (so far):
*Disclaimer- Ramblings of a grumpy pregnant woman

1. I feel sick most of the time. I am actually throwing up less, but I still feel like I'm about to blow from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. Some days are better, some worse. I feel like a complainer and it's embarrassing but I don't want to leave my house.

2. Food. If I don't eat before I get hungry, my stomach starts churning and I feel sick. I quickly go from 'Hmmm, I should eat something', to 'I am past starving and now miserable.' The look/smell/thought of food is gross. Until I need it, in which case, I need it NOW. 15 minutes from now will be too late. Don't ask me to shop for or prepare it, because that is too overwhelming and again, makes me feel sick.

3. I feel fat. This one I'm actually doing OK with. I have wanted to be pregnant my whole life. I can't wait to sport a baby bump and glow. My only gripe is that you'd think with me feeling so shitty and all I would appear a tad bit slimmer. No. My front is soft and round. But the babies are the size of grapes this week so clearly they are not the ones making an appearance.

4. What's happening to me? As a result of the above, in collaboration with raging hormones, I am different. I rarely feel joyful and I am having a hard time enjoying pregnancy :( When I catch myself thinking that, I instantly feel guilty and and then I'm sad. I am quick with my husband and I'm not very fun to be around. I'm sorry Mike...I miss the old me too!

Best of (so far):
*There's hope! It's not all bad...like right now for instance. I have enough energy that I want to keep on writing.

1. Mom's home cooked meals. Seeing as I want to throw up at the look/smell/thought of most food, my Mom is graciously cooking one meal a week for me...how spoiled are we?

2. Michael and Maegann. Every couple of days, Michael and Maegann each call to say, "I'm so excited!!!!!! I can't belive we're having babies!!!!!!!!!!!" They also both offer to bring me food. They are going to be such a great brother and sister.

3. Telling people we are having a baby, or rather, babies! Many people in our lives know what a struggle it's been to get pregnant so it is amazing to see how genuinely excited they are by our news! Then when I say 'It's twins!', it's like I just told them the news all over again.

4. I started work last week and even though I feel crummy, it feels good to be productive. Being at work gives me something to focus on (besides myself...rare these days). I don't always feel good, but I have to get the job done, so I do. I worked on schedules all last week and the students come back to school this week. I love the first week of school. There's a buzz in the air. The kids sport new outfits, run around hugging each other, and just like that- a new year has begun. I am so fortunate that most of the time I work from 8-3:30. This is the perfect time to come home and plop down for a nap. (Just don't ask me to do anything once I get home. Again...sorry Mike).

5. Netflix. More specifically...HBO's Big Love. Seeing as I'm anti-social these days, there's nothing better than to escape into a story. I a huge reader, but even that seems to take effort these days. I discovered Big Love through my friend Crystal at the beginning of the summer. I am completely hooked to this modern-day polygamist family. Sound weird? It is so interesting! The best characters ever. Luckily, we only have the Netflix package that sends one DVD at a time, otherwise I would have been through the series months ago. I patiently wait for my next disc to arrive and I get three uninterrupted hours of Bill Paxton and his three families! Unfortunately, I think I'm almost at the end of the released episodes.

6. Back rubs. There is nothing that spoils me more. Even when I give grumpy attitude, Mike has been giving me back rubs. My favorite.

6. Doctor visits. Last week I had my first visit with my regular OBGYN. Throughout my visit I felt an overwhelming sense of...gratefulness. It was the first time I had been back in the office that originally referred me out to see a fertility specialist. I am back because we have arrived. This is it...everything is good. I sat in the waiting room with the other pregnant women and for the first time, I was one of them. I'm no longer on the outside looking in. I am going to be a Mom. So looking back at my 'worst of' list, I know none of that really matters. God has answered our prayers and given us two babies.