Dear Other Moms

Dear Other Moms,
I usually feel like a good Mom. I don't know all the answers but I feel patient and calm. This morning I feel like I need Super Nanny to come kick my butt. 

Sleeping: At least one of the kids wakes up in the middle of the night multiple times a week (although they finally have been taking nice naps at the same time during the day). Sometimes they'll go a whole week sleeping through the night, but often they don't. I don't even want to get into why they're waking up, I just know that it's probably because I created some pattern and it's my fault. Last night was rare and extreme, but they were up from 1:45-3:45. Mike had to be up at 5 for work. I feel like most of my friends' kids have slept through the night since some insane age like eight weeks. Seriously. (Hill, Moll, Crystal...you lucky bastards).

Eating: Maxwell does not want to eat. Anything. And Ella throws full blown tantrums when I make her sit in her high chair to eat. Out of her chair, she will eat almost anything. This became so frustrating for me that about a month ago I started letting them eat on their little table in the front room. I've created an awful habit. I find myself following them around with food, or even worse...sometimes I turn the TV on and let them eat in front of it. I know. Sickening. And now I decided that's no way to eat so I'm trying to enforce high chairs, which is creating back arching tantrums and food thrown everywhere. I don't know what to do. Letting them out of their chairs took the fight out of it, temporary relief for me, but I don't want kids who eat all over the house. But I also don't want to create crazy food issues by forcing them to eat. Mike gets home late so we don't sit down as a family yet. Although we did try over the weekend and he and I both tried not to poke our eyes out with forks as Ella flailed and screamed. When I finally took her down, she stormed to her room. She slammed the door, turned her mini radio on to twinkle twinkle, and turned the volume all the way up. 21 months old,  dear lord.

Looking back at at my early concerns (nursing routines, whether or not to make baby food, frequency/consistency of poop- really did seem to matter at one point), all these things just worked themselves out. I know these are just phases, but I feel like I'm creating bad habits for my kids and I don't like feeling like a bad mom. Hello mommy guilt.

Sleepless in Atascadero,
Meghan

Mommy Guilt

I had heard about mommy guilt before I had kids, but I didn't get it. It literally starts at conception. At first its' Oh no I haven't gained enough weight!' Then it's 'Oh shit I've gained too much weight!' Always questioning, always harboring this...great responsibility. I think the babies are too cold, I need to bundle them up at night. Wait! Their room is baking, they are too hot. I need to be careful about introducing new foods to them. But that Mom over there is feeding her baby Chinese takeout and he looks so happy! Ohmygosh I am depriving mine! Every phase it's something.

I have girlfriends who decided for various reasons to stop breastfeeding earlier than they planned on. Talk about the mother load of mommy guilt. So many emotions and circumstances are attached to this personal decision. And yet everyone thinks it's their business to ask about it. I remember dreading nursing at the beginning. With two babies I literally felt like my boobs were out all the time as I was feeding all day and all night long. I didn't like it. And that made me feel guilty. I kept telling myself 'One more week. I'll see if i can do it for one more week.' Weeks turned into months and I finally mastered feeding two at once. For me, nursing became quick and easy. So easy in fact, that at eleven months I still nurse the babies in the morning and at night. And guess what? I feel guilty about that! Now I'm embarrassed to admit that my babies who look so big still nurse. Why do we do this to ourselves as Moms?

I guess it's caring too much about what others think. As far as questioning myself about whether or not I'm doing it perfectly, I've just resolved to accept that I'm not. I guess that's part of parenting. Sure I'm bound to feel bad when I get something wrong, but I know that my heart is right. And the thing about kids...they'll be just fine.

(Ella finally has enough hair for a bow to dangle from. Until she or her brother pulls it out.)