Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mommy Guilt

I had heard about mommy guilt before I had kids, but I didn't get it. It literally starts at conception. At first its' Oh no I haven't gained enough weight!' Then it's 'Oh shit I've gained too much weight!' Always questioning, always harboring this...great responsibility. I think the babies are too cold, I need to bundle them up at night. Wait! Their room is baking, they are too hot. I need to be careful about introducing new foods to them. But that Mom over there is feeding her baby Chinese takeout and he looks so happy! Ohmygosh I am depriving mine! Every phase it's something.

I have girlfriends who decided for various reasons to stop breastfeeding earlier than they planned on. Talk about the mother load of mommy guilt. So many emotions and circumstances are attached to this personal decision. And yet everyone thinks it's their business to ask about it. I remember dreading nursing at the beginning. With two babies I literally felt like my boobs were out all the time as I was feeding all day and all night long. I didn't like it. And that made me feel guilty. I kept telling myself 'One more week. I'll see if i can do it for one more week.' Weeks turned into months and I finally mastered feeding two at once. For me, nursing became quick and easy. So easy in fact, that at eleven months I still nurse the babies in the morning and at night. And guess what? I feel guilty about that! Now I'm embarrassed to admit that my babies who look so big still nurse. Why do we do this to ourselves as Moms?

I guess it's caring too much about what others think. As far as questioning myself about whether or not I'm doing it perfectly, I've just resolved to accept that I'm not. I guess that's part of parenting. Sure I'm bound to feel bad when I get something wrong, but I know that my heart is right. And the thing about kids...they'll be just fine.



(Ella finally has enough hair for a bow to dangle from. Until she or her brother pulls it out.)

5 comments:

FluentNSmiles said...

Meghan I know someone who breast fed until her son was 7. He would walk up to her and ask for it. They had agreed on a code word. Lol. And another mom who breast fed until her son was 5. So hold off on the guilt for another 6 years. Heee hee...

Actually our pastor said something really interesting about "weaning" a few weeks ago. He used it as an analogy for spiritual growth. He was speaking on the importance of valuing God for who He is.

He went on to explain that his understanding of weaning was that it is a process my which a child learns to value his/her mother for who she IS as an individual person, rather than what she can PROVIDE. So whenever you begin weaning I am sure they will really enjoy getting to know their Mommy as a separate person. You're only one of like the coolest, unique, special persons ever. (Said with a strong California Valley Girl accent.)

FoodMuster said...

Hi, I stumbled onto your blog and I hope you don't mind me adding my 2 cents worth! I have 4 kiddies and I breast fed my daughter until she was 10mnths, my first son for 6mnths, 2nd son for 8mnths and last for about 8-9months. I don't do well with nursing but I also felt guilty not doing it for at least 6months. I got over worrying about it after my third and when I talk about it, its surprising how many other mums out there agree. Do what you feel is right for you and do your best not to let the guilts get the better of you. BTW cute kids and I love that Charlie Brown tee!

doristhedonkey said...

absolutely, guilt is a killer, excuse the pun but 'horses for courses' and as a mother of 4, I experienced terrible guilt with the first three as i couldn't breastfeed at all. With the 4th I took the approach of 'a happy mother = happy baby'.........the jury's still out, but my two year old is a real happy chappy! v cute kids btw and they look HAPPY!! ;)

K said...

Hi, I just came across your blog. I have plenty of mommy guilt too. I think having it is a pretty good sign that we're good mommies who are concerned about doing the very best for our babies. :)

Anonymous said...

Trite, very very trite.